Here it is!!!! One of the most hypocritical holidays of the year! Although most of them piss me off, Thanksgiving is the worst of them all in my book. It inspires within me a burning hatred and the wish to break things with terrible violence. Why is that you ask? Ah, well, it's quite simple my fuzzy little man-peach. Thanksgiving is as much about 'thanks-giving' as Christmas is about Jesus. Well I guess you could say it was about thanks, if you looked at it from the perspective that we are grateful to all of the Native Americans who DIED in order for us to take over this wonderful land... if we were thankful then it might even be okay... but I don't think that it's even something that crosses the minds of the general populace. So, no. Fail holiday. Celebrating the death of millions... for our own benefit. And for the purpose of this celebration we take away even MORE lives by murdering billions and billions of turkeys. I don't even like turkeys! Dirty, smelly, ugly creatures. But do they deserve to endure genocide every year just for the sake of sating some strange, misplaced desire to carry on a disturbing tradition? NO!
So, my dear friends, please do enjoy your holiday by masticating as much dead bird as possible. And be sure to NOT think about the Natives of this land, for that would defeat the purpose of it entirely. Eat up you hypocritical bastards!!!

Everything is all up in the air. All exploded and broken.
It's sad and beautiful and maybe a blessing. But I hate that word; Blessing. It's so empty and full of unfulfillable promises.
I've never been that close to death. No one close to me has passed in my lifetime... I've lost animals, which is a terrible pain, but not a human life. I'm terrified of it.
Even a tiny life... one that hasn't even breached the outside. For it to die is one of the greatest pains I've ever felt. So small and yet it effects so many.
My heart is so sore. It's not the usual pain either... rather a dull ache that permeates my entire being. Everything is wrong.
OHFUCK these goddamn cliches. Someone needs to go crazy with a jack-hammer on my head till it's flat and oozing; till the electrical currents - neurons firing back and forth, chemical messages sent to the regions left for suffering - till it all ends.
I'm not angry. I'm not angry at anyone, anything, myself. Very strange. I just want it to be quiet and for everything to just STOP. My life isn't even that HARD!! It's watching the rest of the world. It's feeling pain that I feel I don't deserve to feel. That I shouldn't feel. There's that 'should' word again. SCREW YOU.
Now I'm angry. That wasn't that hard haha.
Dinner and a movie. That's what's on the agenda. Then home, more brooding, missing you, hating you, and then hating YOU. And then feeling guilty. I need a life. And hopefully no one will read this. I should just erase all of this but I am confident in it not attracting much attention. If any.
This halting, idiotic writing is getting on my nerves, but it is slightly calming so I'll just keep going.
I'm disappointed in you Max. I know you're a better person than this, and I know you're hurting, but pull your fucking self together. Be there for the one person that will NEVER leave your side. And no, I'm not talking about me. Whatever I'm worth to you can't be more than the dirt under your nails, but I seriously don't care. JUST FIX IT! She doesn't deserve any of this.
FUCK ALL OF YOU!
hahahahahhahahahahaha

I'm not really sure about down either...
Everything hurts, and I mean everything. Breathing in sends icy hot daggers into my brain, which remembers how everything is a SHITHOLE and sends electrical shocks to my heart and it flails helplessly in it's cage; trying to understand. I then exhale, feeling all the nerves in my body that are on fire along with the horrible congealed phlegm stuck in these lungs. The drugs don't seem to have any effect. But you know? I think it's my heart. I don't think of myself as a very spiritual person, but I feel that matters of the heart definitely translate over to the body... can cause illness. I haven't been this sick in ages.
This void of blackness that I'm floating in is so disconcerting. I feel lost, in pain, helpless.
My heart is so careless... or am I too careless with my heart? I don't know, and I'm not even sure if it matters. I will do this all over again, I'm sure.
The love I feel is too intoxicating. My drug. And if its effects are like this... well maybe my drug is just as harmful as yours. But just like you I'm not going to give it up just because of pain. You can toss me in the air, beat me against a wall, rip out my heart and then ask me for more... but I will acquiesce. Because I love you.
When Jesus and the Buddha meet, I am complete. And that's all that matters.

I have the best new plaything!!! My boy lent me his old Samsung digital camera. You know, the cool ones! Where when I take a picture I look all professional, instead of like a teenage girl taking dumb pictures with a little dinky digital camera Happy Days!
I've been taking pictures every five minutes! Everything is worthy haha.

Sleepy day..... and moody :C Went shopping with the madre and saw Kendra's madre! It was quite silly.
And THEN I hear that one of my best friends was in a car accident?! And that she's too busy to make her amazing Halloween costume?! So depressed. AND I have to wait ANOTHER week till I get to see my boy. That just depresses me beyond reason. FUKKK

My Japanese class is still retarded. I'm babysitting an actual baby tomorrow... she's not taking a bottle though so that should be interesting. POOP.
My new kitty, Frodo, is the BEST cat EVER. He cuddles like a bear and isn't bothered by anything. I'm in LOVE!!!

I wish my life was more interesting :C Just got my hair cut... It is cold. EDIT
THE BABY was terrible She cried the whole time, would NOT take a bottle, and fell asleep for only 20 mins! I had her for THREE HOURS. Her older sister is a doll and was just fine, but taking care of both of them?! It was ridiculous. I don't know if I'll be able to handle being their nanny. I'll give it a shot though.
OH! Changed the cat's name to Merlin. It just suits him better. AND he dissappears randomly to reapear somwhere else. Crazy.
I do NOT want a baby right now. I though I would be ready any time for one but today changed my mind. Definitely NOT ready. Not like I was serious about it or anything.. I think today just claryified things and made me go "Woah..."
Canada next week

What a strange feeling! My college course started today. It's a Japanese class. Preparing me for the JLPT2. It was weird.
I felt weird.
Sitting at a table. Taking notes. Weird.
The teacher is cute. I like her and the inflections in her voice that go WooOOOoopi WoooOOOOOpi! They are pleasant.
I do not much appreciate the other students however... they irritate me.
Killing rampage.
After class I had to wait for my mother to finish her own. I waited in a waiting area. How novel! And it was quiet and deserted. There were frequent bouts of applause that could be heard coming from one of the nearby classrooms. Classes would end and people would walk by. I could hear them coming. And for some odd reason I decided it would be safer to pretend to be asleep when someone walked by. I sat up too soon once though and made eye contact with a man. I stopped after that. It was awkward.
Lead pipe.
Killing rampage.
I was eating chips. They were so loud! I ate all of them. So very salty!
Finally my mother came. She was two minutes late! We came home together and laughed at pompous college students. Then she made me breakfast. For dinner. I at too much :<
I feel that college will not be so much different from high school... high school with ashtrays. Hmmmm.....
I should write a book.
It would be called "Idiocy of Teens in America: It's Contagious!!!" or "College Students: The Other White Meat!!!" or something pompous and ridiculous like that... I would hope to anger many people and their children.
Killing rampage.
Everything always ends with a killing rampage.